My computer is dead.
No can do.
Must focus on the real life.
School is eating me.
I'm losing money.
Buying fabrics, food, wine and cigarettes.

What i'm excited about
is
Aki Kaurismäki's films
Loving
Designing things in my head.

Life.

(sighs)

Deep in the bosom of the gentle night

Is when I search for the light
Pick up my pen and start to write
I struggle, fight dark forces
In the clear moon light
Without fear... insomnia
I can't get no sleep

I used to worry, thought I was goin' mad in a hurry
Gettin' stress, makin' excess mess in darkness
No electricity, something's all over me, greasy
Insomnia please release me and let me dream of
Makin' mad love to my girl on the heath
Tearin' off tights with my teeth
But there's no release, no peace
I toss and turn without cease
Like a curse, open my eyes and rise like yeast
At least a couple of weeks
Since I last slept, kept takin' sleepers
But now I keep myself pepped
Deeper still, that night I write by candle light
I find insight, fundamental movement, uh
So when it's black this insomniac take an original tack
Keep the beast in my nature under ceaseless attack
I gets no sleep
I can't get no sleep

I can't get no sleep
I can't get no sleep
I need to sleep, although I get no sleep
I need to sleep, although I get no sleep

 

-Insomnia, Faithless

Lately i've been listening that album a lot.

I'm feeling little bit lost. I want to find my creativity and excitemend again. I need it.
Maybe i have to just sit down and start.

I wear all the time black. Am I going into depression?

I'm going to take a shower.

Pull the string out of my back if you wanna talk.

So.. New year, new page, new things. Cliche.

My mind is just same. but i'm so happy those others who have been able to turn their minds to blank page. And start to fill it with new things.
I'm just messing my old page with happy stuff but also oppressive stuff.

I..

ouh nothing.

Listening Brigitte Bardot. It's the sax.

Je T'aime.

I'm also middle of clothing crisis. puke for that.

cruise ships, ouh dear.

Result from wild cruise ship. ha ha ha it hurts.
Maybe it's best that i'll be quiet and don't say a word.

In my head, somebody just knock there. do do do. remember remember remember. think think think.

I'll go sleep now.

Seahorses sailing in my head

Feeling is like that. headache. too much coffee, cigarettes, school, annoying people, dirt on the floor...

Kick me.

But what makes me happy. That i'm spending time with one awesome guy.
I look like him in that picture.. I'm wearing his shirt and we have almost the same glasses :D ouh gaash.

Could we pass Christmas? I don't have any intrest on that. I could only eat.


Underwater breaths <-- i like to update

Burn burn burn

Last week has gone and i can take huge gasp. Lot of happened nice and sad things. I met a boy and saw Burning Hearts live in library. Shhh
Nothing else.
Feeling emptiness. Good fruit juice and oven melted cheese breads could fill my emptiness a little bit.

I took a video of my kaleidoscope, feel my heavy breath.

Those feelings just don't disappear

the Pink Elephant

That is how i actually feel. Or i mean i can identify with that so much. 

But oh how i missed school times. Coffee breaks and the people. We are making lingerie in school. So fun.

Don't hold back, time is come to... ?

I returned today morning from Stockholm to home. And gaash i want back! peolpe are so nice there or at least the employees. I was making good conversation with Monki's employee, he was great! I must looked very clueless, i think. I founded something to wear on and one dvd.

Oh i don't want to live here anymore. I'm bored. i listened this when i was younger and my friends doesn't liked it. I remembered this and now i'm listening it again. ha.

Maybe in next life..

Dreaming that i could forget bad things. It's good to dream, but how can i make them true?

I can't.

Fuck.

Call me, text me, anything. Please! That would make me very happy... Just try.
( I think i'm talking to myself, again..) Lonely stuff, makes you crazy.

Dive deep

Girls with abs

I think i try to breath. I don't have anything to share because nothing had happened.
I try to do something about it.

xxx

How long i have to wait?

Okay blogger sucks but who cares. I'll write the text here..

So photo one: Yey i have something to read next, but which i would start? Dale or Laura? Laura maybe interest more...

photo two: Oh i found proper backpack from flea market. Now oh gash i want to go see the world with that on my back.

photo three: I was starting to narrow my jeans, but my sewing machine decide to fuck with me and the jeans stuck in there. They have been there hole weekend, hahah. Maybe i will do with that something...

I had been tired all the time and i got new dvd player! Yeah!

I'm bored.

New week ahead

I'm super super tired. Skin looks horrible and good if i see something.
Thighs are so strained... stupid dance moves.

Ouh and i get great pleasure in painting again. Something else to think. 
That's good!

Can't stop moving and eating rice cakes.

Strange lights in my head

Summer 2007

When i watch these pictures, i feel so much angry and missing. Why i was so unaware and blind. Teenage years. I hated those times, i wasn't myself the hole fucking three years. I didn't have real friends. I was happy only in art lessons were i was alone and doing what i liked.

I'm so tired.

Where are spontaneous people?
Meri where is your spontaneous? "I don't know, i said."
Relax, "hu?"
Breath, "?"
What's your fucking problem? "I don't know"

I'm so tired.

Lost again

I'm so lost right know.
Lots of guide talks and information makes my head dizzy. What i do? It's so hard to breath. I just want to scream. My hands are shaking.

I want away from here. So badly. Run away from this boy which i have huge crush. He did some bad things but i just can't get him out of my mind.

Crying doesn't help, but i can't do anything about it.

I hate to write on this blog.

These days..

Morning sun was beautiful.

I don't know. I'm in some kind of emotional circle. Just rolling rolling rolling around.
I just want to get the hang of it all. Like i understand everything.

I will tell everything when i really know the words. That i can be sure what i'm saying.
I can't write text if i don't understand it myself.

I will get throw of this. I'll hope..

You sold your tongue than you can talk to the whales

Feeling so sick..
I must be able to sew tomorrow.

Things aren't change. Still going through the same shit.

Give me some love, dude.

"How does it feel to treat me like you do?.."

This mess is so mess. What is this game? I don't know how to play it, i'm suffering inside out. This is hopeless.
I'm so lovesick.
Can't you see that i'm trying?

Please don't hurt me

uuuuh i'm in motion mess and gash i don't know what to do. aaaaa
Like i want to tell him everything, but my heart just stops when i'm with him. you know what happens when your heart is not beating. ooh.

but this is so mess. I still don't get it. yhhyyy, whyy, i'm serious, this is annoying.
I just want to kiss his gorgeous lips and the time just could stop right there.

Stomach is very sensitive.

baby we'll be fine

Hi! Real life is back and i'm happy about it, because home feels sick and dirty room too. Things are good, i got finally intership place and i'm happy in little vintage shop sewing dresses and skirts.

Now i'm off to Night of arts.









I'll promise to take pictures some day! xx