Seahorses sailing in my head

Feeling is like that. headache. too much coffee, cigarettes, school, annoying people, dirt on the floor...

Kick me.

But what makes me happy. That i'm spending time with one awesome guy.
I look like him in that picture.. I'm wearing his shirt and we have almost the same glasses :D ouh gaash.

Could we pass Christmas? I don't have any intrest on that. I could only eat.


Underwater breaths <-- i like to update

Burn burn burn

Last week has gone and i can take huge gasp. Lot of happened nice and sad things. I met a boy and saw Burning Hearts live in library. Shhh
Nothing else.
Feeling emptiness. Good fruit juice and oven melted cheese breads could fill my emptiness a little bit.

I took a video of my kaleidoscope, feel my heavy breath.

Sadness is my boyfriend

Old film camera shots.

I miss those times, i wish i could go back and be different.

I miss you. Where are you? How's everything going?

How can I find the right words?

I have terrible back problems.
Painkillers doesn't help. It's hard to sleep.

Friends doing bad choices.

Lots of tears.

I don't know how to help, because i don't handle myself either.  

Smoke fills the lungs

Hey!

I took some gasps yesterday. Me and my friend went to watch Moonrise Kindom and ooh it was so sweet. I smiled throw the hole movie. Andersson just knows how to do it.
Then we talked with my friend, it's so great that you can talk to someone who listen.

I don't know how to be social. I'm behind others. When i learn to talk?

Fear.

How long i have to wait?

Okay blogger sucks but who cares. I'll write the text here..

So photo one: Yey i have something to read next, but which i would start? Dale or Laura? Laura maybe interest more...

photo two: Oh i found proper backpack from flea market. Now oh gash i want to go see the world with that on my back.

photo three: I was starting to narrow my jeans, but my sewing machine decide to fuck with me and the jeans stuck in there. They have been there hole weekend, hahah. Maybe i will do with that something...

I had been tired all the time and i got new dvd player! Yeah!

I'm bored.

Strange lights in my head

Summer 2007

When i watch these pictures, i feel so much angry and missing. Why i was so unaware and blind. Teenage years. I hated those times, i wasn't myself the hole fucking three years. I didn't have real friends. I was happy only in art lessons were i was alone and doing what i liked.

I'm so tired.

Where are spontaneous people?
Meri where is your spontaneous? "I don't know, i said."
Relax, "hu?"
Breath, "?"
What's your fucking problem? "I don't know"

I'm so tired.

These days..

Morning sun was beautiful.

I don't know. I'm in some kind of emotional circle. Just rolling rolling rolling around.
I just want to get the hang of it all. Like i understand everything.

I will tell everything when i really know the words. That i can be sure what i'm saying.
I can't write text if i don't understand it myself.

I will get throw of this. I'll hope..

Why won't you make up your mind?

haha, now you can laugh..

I found those glasses and i think they are nice, but i don't see damn thing with those. I don't say that fault is in the glasses, fault is in my eyeballs or brains. what ever.
I wished that those would be my reading glasses, but i don't need one. Or i can just pretend that i use. haha haha haa

what i'm talking about..
i hate that my sewing machine is gathering dust on my table, and colourpencils and paintbrushes. Maybe autumn and coldness will give me power.

I need hugs and kisses. I love goose bumps.   

You need to eat pills, if hurts.

What do you do when you are miserable?
I went yesterday drinking, it was so stupid. And why i went some bar where all the girls have same clothes and too much make up. They must spend more time in the bathroom than the bar area. ugh.

Now i feel i want to do something smart, like read lots of. Stupid library bill, i have to settle for my own books. That's okay.

mmmm

I want that everything goes well before the end of the summer. My heart beats really fast. that's stress. you know.

Apocalypse dream

I wish i could keep my eyes closed whole time and just dream. But when they can open? If i wish that everything would be all right when i open my eyes, that's not going to be happend. Because my luck sucks all the time!

The exciting answer what i was wating, was total flop. Now i'm back at the bottom and it's so hard to climb back where everything looks brighter.. And there isn't any time left.

My life sucks, i can say!

Now, i can write my feelings in one question.

How to disappear completely and never be found?

I wanna built a treehouse and dream out there

Picture is me enjoying such a powerful thing called music with little bit alcohol in my body twisted with cigarettes.

Oh "the brain damage" is back. I just watch emptiness and don't think anything. What the fuck i'm waiting or thinking.. i don't know.
I say to myself that it would be nice to clean, paint, sew, read but nothing has happened yet. All thought i'm trying to read but words don't stay in my mind so i have to start over again and over until i gave up.
I'm feeling sleepy hole time. I sleep two hours and then i try to be awake and then i'm sleeping again.

Ane brun sounds so so beautiful right now and crackers tastes so good.

And outside is raining so hard that i'm thinking to take a shower out there..

This time is like the puzzle

The Festival pictures! your welcome. They are little bit mess order because blogger is so hard.

But ooh it was so great day! And greatness talking about! i think some of things are clicking to the place. now i'm waiting excited answers! But later to that, when i'm really sure!

Humans are so weird, all the time fucking question marks

Pretty excited about tomorrow! all thought there is no heart burning bands but the feeling must be great! if you want to! and i want! woohop woohoh hoh oh! 

The feeling on Thursday was pretty much what that picture can tell you.. it was so so so... i think i don't want to tell what was my feeling, so embarrassing.

Can you do something for me for a change?

Oh now i just want to say FUCK YOU FUCK FUCK YOU FUCK YOU! he was just playing with me. Then i run so fast outside and cry a lot. why me? why is this happening to me? i'm so lonely and jealous and angry and sad. where i can find happines.
And i did it again, i readed those stupid horoscopes and i'm sad that i saw only one fucking star to sunday and i'm going to ruisrock that day.. that can't be bad day! and i will have fun that day, that it is worth of money. Oh why i do this to myself, tell me, oh tell me. Can you say to me that life is great and you shouldn't worry every fucking thing! say it! that i believe!

Oh i wait that my friend comes here and she bring some cigarettes that i could smoke my brain away. And be more clueless than now. not cool at all!

Friend gave me some fabrics for free! i was heaven! That blue mermaid fabric is so amazing but really don't know what i'm going to do with it. i will figure it out soon! And bought some plastic flowers and try to do headband. jei!
I think i want third cup of coffee.

But only if you are

I love those late night bicycle trips. All thought i was little bit loosy goosy. It was as if I had swum in the ocean, air was warm cold. And it was nice to listen old lykke li stuff, it has been a while.

And i mess up things AGAIN. I get to suffer. again. My tongue is burned, my voice is gone, my face is ugly.
HA HA HA!

And i would give all this and heaven too

New year 2012

I hate myself, i hate myself. This ignorance is killing me and i'm so confused and frustrated. Something is holding me still, but i have plenty works to do and i can't do it. whyy. what is wrong with me.

And i hate these stupid horoscopes which i have obsession to read every day. The words controll my life and the fucking stars. "Monday is worth of three stars" fucking hate it! I thought it would guide me and tell me what i should do and what shouldn't. But that's just bullshit! Never trust the horoscopes.

I cry.

This writing doesn't help. i'm still going to read those horoscopes.. maybe. i must try hard to not read.

And this boy is in my dreams, i think i like him very much and i do but i don't get the time. I have to tell it face to face and i try and try. And now he must think about me as i stalk him or i have obsession of him. And i think when i get the time, it's too late by then. I'm always getting shit on my neck.

I've never experienced the love. ( i don't mean family.) or feel it or see it. Oh dear i mean, nobody hasn't told me or shown interest in me. something is wrong. obviously!

Isn't it wonderful that my writings is always the same shit.

I need answers. i have to think again and think little bit more.

This keeps me up at night.

If i could go back in time, i would like to live that day again.

Adventures everywhere

Haha life is so funny and some people too.. Friday was exciting day overall, group of hot chicks and few cowboys went to the coast and the idea of celebrating my birthday. I didn't know anything and they say now it's Indian theme and lets slice it my shirt and put some few feathers on my head. I liked it!

It was so beautiful down there! i was happy. I also invited my crush down there and the feeling in my stomach was awesome! But i'm so question mark to whole thing! or i say this way, i don't know what he is thinking about me! what to do? hey all of you love ambassadors, help me! oh i'm so pathetic!
But anyways it was best time! I can consider to publish pictures of the evening. We were so wild!

Morning was also great we eat breakfast at the pier and cut the super yummy cheesecake. Perfect!

I have one awesome story to tell you, but now i'm too tired to tell it.

I have more dreams than you have posters of your favourite teams

I'm turning to the adult side tomorrow. Bring me the wine!