And i would give all this and heaven too

New year 2012

I hate myself, i hate myself. This ignorance is killing me and i'm so confused and frustrated. Something is holding me still, but i have plenty works to do and i can't do it. whyy. what is wrong with me.

And i hate these stupid horoscopes which i have obsession to read every day. The words controll my life and the fucking stars. "Monday is worth of three stars" fucking hate it! I thought it would guide me and tell me what i should do and what shouldn't. But that's just bullshit! Never trust the horoscopes.

I cry.

This writing doesn't help. i'm still going to read those horoscopes.. maybe. i must try hard to not read.

And this boy is in my dreams, i think i like him very much and i do but i don't get the time. I have to tell it face to face and i try and try. And now he must think about me as i stalk him or i have obsession of him. And i think when i get the time, it's too late by then. I'm always getting shit on my neck.

I've never experienced the love. ( i don't mean family.) or feel it or see it. Oh dear i mean, nobody hasn't told me or shown interest in me. something is wrong. obviously!

Isn't it wonderful that my writings is always the same shit.

I need answers. i have to think again and think little bit more.